My Musings

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Musing 15 – Life is Hard…for all of us!

In Steve Biddulph’s book “Manhood” he cites Richard Rohr’s Five Truths of Manhood. This week we are discussing Rule Number Two….”life is hard”. When I read this I saw it as nothing new. What I did see (and feel), maybe because I was ready to hear and experience it, was a bizarre sense of relief. This may seem almost unfathomable to some, so let me explain. Have you (or someone you love dearly) ever been … Continue reading

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Musing 14 – You are not that important, (or are you?)

WOW – what a revelation. We can spend a lot of our time reinforcing our status, our value, and our importance in the world, when really, maybe it is time to get real, and get over ourselves. Steve Biddulph in his book The New Manhood (2010), in quoting Franciscan Monk Richard Rohr’s 5 life truths of Manhood lists “You are not that important” as the Number 3 lesson for life. And, if you are wondering, … Continue reading

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Musing 13 – Sex, love, work, money – Have I got your attention yet?

Over the wonder-filled Christmas and New Year Break I was able to spend some valuable time reading and reflecting. The two books that have blown my mind and spoke loudly to me are a couple of old classics. Firstly, Manhood by Steve Biddulph; this was first published in the 90’s but Steve, in his wisdom has updated it for this crazy and ever changing techno time we live in. This is a fundamental book for … Continue reading

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Musing 10 – Joe Changes his Mind

In my last musing, The 8 Steps to Changing your Mind, we looked at the very real issue of how to break the old ways of responding to something in your world that aren’t working. Ultimately it is my experience and research that we can add choice, but we cannot remove the neural connections in our brain that dictate behaviour, internal emotional states etc. By adding a choice we can see clearly how the situation … Continue reading

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Musing 9 – It is impossible to Change your Mind

Your mind is like a computer, continually being programmed and re-programmed. It has almost an infinite capacity to store new data, new behaviours, new pictures, new emotions. It is truly an incredible vessel. And we should be in awe of what each of us is capable of through the wise use of this sponge, this hard-drive, this infinite source of connection. But, and there is always a but, once something is programmed into the mind, … Continue reading

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Lesson 8 – What truly creates change?

When I asked Tal Ben-shahar “What works in truly transforming people” he beautifully gave all of us at the dinner table his research and analytical understanding of the answer to this question. As a leader in the area or Positive Psychology at Pennsylvania University, he started by informing us what factors are not necessarily guarantees of success. These included: 1. Qualifications – A qualified Psychiatrist, with all his/her medical training and years of specialization (all … Continue reading

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Lesson 7 – Healing can only happen at source

One of the saddest and most frustrating (for the client and myself) experiences I come across in coaching and life generally is peoples continual desire to attract and collect friends and acquaintances in an attempt to feel valued and valuable. It is my experience that we choose this “strategy” as a catharsis for past experiences. More specifically we do it to disprove the self-imposed damage created from the disconnection/ betrayal/rejection/scorn/isolation etc created through experiences with … Continue reading

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Lesson 6 – Accepting and acknowledging the shadow

We all have a dark side – our shadow as Freud calls it. You know, the one that wants to inflict pain (physical, emotional, mental or otherwise) on that person (or ones self) who: • Cut you off in the traffic • Put you down at work or school • Pushed in to the queue at the supermarket • Dumped you 5 years ago • Lied to get you in trouble, and keep themselves clean … Continue reading

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Lesson 5 – Your motivation needs to be positive AND negative

The world is awash with the concept of motivation, and particularly positive motivation. And it is a powerful concept, one that has earned many, many millions of dollars – through book sales, courses, therapy, coaching and other forms. But it doesn’t really work (not for long and not sustainably), and never will – at least not in isolation. It is time we embraced the duality, the yin and yang of motivation. To truly affect change … Continue reading

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Lesson 4 – To be authentic we must betray!

Oh, here is a toughie! If we are going to be this authentic and live true to our best self – I call it our Born and Unique Genius, we need to betray!! What does that mean? Imagine you decided that a friend of 20 years (you never felt they valued you, but in the past you didn’t value you either) was no longer someone you were going to spend time or energy on. You … Continue reading

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